Sometimes the more you know about this world, the more you feel disgusted by it.

i always thought ignorance is bliss. but..sometimes because you're blind to it, you dunno what you're facing.

this is a super duper sensitive / personal issue. (at least to me, that is)

i'm talking about sexual immorality / promiscuity. lust. it's like a taboo topic. or maybe within my circle we don't talk about it. but it's just so rampant in this world. there are people who think that it's fine to have physical intimacy with your boyfriend/girlfriend as long as there's no penetration. and of course, dun be surprised almost everyone thinks like that. To me, it's already as good as commiting the act. yea. do people just dilute the meaning of sex or they are just trying to justify what they do. like 'i'm not having sex, we are just having physical intimacy' oh. what crap. The world says, do what ever you like, as long as you feel good. where? where are the boundaries?

sigh.

and you know what's worse? guy and girl. friends. and yea. they might do it too. oh wait. just not the penetration..only. i'm seriously seriously experiencing a culture shock. why is it the norm? if you do it with your friend, like FRIEND, then how special will be your special one? but people say, 'no harm, just try. you won't lose out anyway' or 'to each his own' but your friend lehhh! zomg. sometimes all sorts of questions pop up when i see my friends. haha. i dunno. i believe such things are meant to be exclusive. exclusive to only one person and that is this person whom God has prepared for me. and it only happens after exchanging vows.

someone ever told me, it would be very difficult to be my boyfriend. because my views about physical intimacy is way too extreme for a guy. But isn't that what marriage is about? Isn't it to remain pure until you say 'i do'? Does it mean that other people are doing it gives you an excuse to do it?

i'm disappointed. as in, altho such things are nothing new, but it's just that having coming to realisation about it makes me deeply disturbed.

Yes. we all human. we have our urges. but i can't comprehend why some guys say self control is difficult. yea. maybe cos i'm not a guy. But for girls, if you know it's a no-return ticket, then why buy a ticket to go there in the first place? just to try? no harm? how do you know that there's no harm. It's more like a compromise..the more you compromise..further backwards you go. i don't like the word 'compromise' it means that whatever it is, it is sub-standard.

maybe and only maybe, i'm starting to understand..the divide. God and the world. it's not that Christians are trying to pretend to be morally superior. It's just that trying to live a life that pleases God is so different from what the world says. It's not an exclusive club that we're talking about but what choosing a lifestyle for God would mean that you go against the society norms.and i know Humans can't be perfect. I'm not perfect. I gossip, i talk behind people's back, i am materialistic. the list goes on. Yet..that doesn't mean that we can stop trying to be perfect. that is why there is a need to struggle. and keep struggling.

maybe and only maybe, I'm starting to understand why God says to not be unequally yoked.

God, I pray for your strength, wisdom and your protection in continuing to stand for you!

Chris Daughtry rockssssss...i could stay like this forever...i can't believe i'm broken inside...

You, you got me
Thinking it'll be alright.
You, you told me,
"Come and take a look inside."
You believed me,
In every single lie.
But I, I failed you this time.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight,
Tonight.

I was waiting
For the day you'd come around.
I was chasing,
And nothing was all I found.
From the moment you came into my life,
You showed me what's right.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight.

I never felt like this before.
Just when I leave, I'm back for more.
Nothing else here seems to matter.
In these ever-changing days,
You're the one thing that remains.
I could stay like this forever.

And it feels like tonight.
I can't believe I'm broken inside.
Can't you see that there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you?
And it feels like tonight.
Tonight.
Tonight.
'Cause there's nothing that I wanna do,
But try to make it up to you.
And it feels like tonight.
Tonight.

On replay...i kinda like the lyrics more than the melody..so din bother putting up any videos..but yea..

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the stars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

i'm so sick of mugging laaa.

irritating.

i dun think i've studied hard enough anyway. everything else is sooo distracting. i am distracted. cant even sit properly for half an hour. what the...

and i'm supposed to receive 2 dresses. and i've only got one. emailed the lady and she said to pass her my add again for her to mail. HULLO but she never tell me when she's gonna send it out?!?! so when can i receive it. next week? if dun have i have to email her again. -.-! i'll wait until tuesday then.

rubbish!

i'm just thinking what am i doing. kinda unhappy with my friend. it's so funny when you say you respect someone when she says she doesn't wanna do something and the next minute u keep trying to persuade the person to do it. hullo? what kind of rubbish is this.

urgh.

sense.my.frustration.

right.

i'm still in school now. time reads 8.32pm. will blog first before i go home.

well. saturday was a blast! i love my sigma even more now..wanna learn how to customise white balance.

anyway..i've always thought that i'm quite an emo person..always think about pessimistic stuff..
i prolly kinda changed in year 3 onwards somehow..maybe cos in year 1 and year 2 some unhappy things happened i just couldnt be free and loosen up. YES. the word is loosen up. i've loosen up quite abit since dunno when. definitely alot happier in school and..i really dun wanna go back to when i was in year 1 and 2..but sometimes you dun understand why God planned things this way. like when u're quite happy with your life right now and something pops out of no where, bringing back memories (not very nice ones actually). and somehow there's this tiny part of you is hoping for something more. like WTH. yea..slap me please. slap hard. to play or not to play with fire? DUH! maybe it's better to maintain the status quo now. i dun mind bumping into N*C more at techno edge. nothing will come out of it but it's just someone you see that brings back pleasant (?) and funny memories..like the stupid things you did in the past that is amusing to recall right now. (is he still attached?) hahaaa.

right. i jogged this morning and tot it might be interesting to take shots of the cats that i saw on my way home haha..just a thought. dunno if i'll materialise it. lily would prolly hate those photos. lol..

i'm gonna get my butt off this place now and head home. it has been an interesting day..

go home. have a good bathe and a good dinner ((: and everything else is history.

ta! (:

i had a weird dream yest. like REALLY WEIRD DREAM. haha.. usually i have the first person view..you know..like first person shooter in games..yea..here goes..

p h i l i p c h a n gave us project work to do..and then it was pair work..

but..i dunno why huifang paired up with seo hoon and then left me!!! i was like "wah lauu" -.-!

apparently joel was also in the dream but i dunno why i din pair up with him or sth. the rest of the PFM people werent there..anyway..it would be damn weird to have a project work just me and joel. it's just weird to even think about it. haha. anyways.

yaa! and suddenly huifang went to ask this guy (like randomly) to pair up with me.. and this guy had a twin beside him! they were sitting right at front of the LT, at the computer area..hahaa..SO WEIRD RIGHT. but anyways..his name is...SOLEIL. DUN ASK ME WHERE I GOT THAT NAME. it just appeared in my dream! doesnt even sound like a name. super hilarious now that i'm typing it. i can vaguely remember how he looked like..like SHOUDER LENGTH and curly hair. chinese. no specs. normal size eyes. his dress sense is slanted to hip hop..he wore those cap. yea.. the guy looked quite weird to me. everything was in black and white. oh wells.

and then he agreed with some hesitation..all these happened in one of the LTs.

after that...the scene just changed suddenly. i ran downstairs to somewhere..it was like an open space, daylight..light concrete ground and there were kids playing. like those primary school ones.. and i started playing with the kids! i think in my dream i told myself i just wanna take a break..go play for awhile first. hahaa..so weird..so i went to play with the kids happily. there were kites i think. the kids were each playing their own stuff..yea..

and then i cant recall anything. think i woke up.

i dun exactly know what to say..

i'm just tired. very tired of my dad who is a control freak..

terribly disappointed.

gonna stay out the whole day tmr. so i better go sleep now.

 

 a sense of eagerness yet fear.

+++

can you imagine? i have come to the last part of the semester alr. it means that i have one semester left. 

goodness.

God, tell me should i do next?

++++

i've decided to bring my siggy out today. 

 still trying out my siggy.

i'm starting to love it actually. just look at the bokeh (creamy background) !!! (how can one ever compare this to the 50mm 1.8?!?!) rubbish. i can buy 6 x 50mm f1.8 with the sigmalux. cant bear to let it go. SOMEONE organised MO AT $630 -.-!!!

dotified to the max.

guess which colour is on my fingers? no prize for that tho. haha..


shot @ f2.8

I am going prawning this saturday!!!

and..

my parents are letting me bring out the carrrrrrr. how awfully awesome is that!!!! haha.


better start doing work.

finally a satisfied layout

i need to bring my siggy down to redhill next wed. sians. i loveeee ittt tremendously!!

love the lilac / pale pink or whatever colour u call that. simple and pretty! yayyyy 

right. i am so loving my specs still?

and thanks. i'm super narcissistic..as usual! hahaaa.

anyhows. the header image isn't very nice. i'll get it changed once i find sth nice to put it..